Monday, November 30, 2009

Pissed off Monday

Thing that pisses me off: Being a nice person and getting taken advantage of.

Some will say anger is childish and immature. An adult will take a deep breath and move forward, letting go of the anger and move forward constructively.

Fuck that, I say. Anger is a healthy emotion that ought to be expressed. You can't move forward until you've allowed yourself to feel an emotion. For me, doing so frequently requires storming around my house slamming doors, punching stuff, and making a loud noise close to URRRARRRGH!

I also use strong, creative language like fucktard. That's one of my favorites.

But that's in private. With others, I tend to avoid confrontation and then justify doing so by saying I only like to politely address an issue with someone when it threatens to be a long term problem. In that situation, the key is avoiding The Snap. I don't want to retort to a completely oblivious comment with a nasty comment, since that smacks of passive aggressive, another Thing that Pisses Me Off. Luckily, I'm pretty good at doing so. Except, sometimes, when my mother is concerned. My trick is to speak slowly and focus on breathing.

On the other hand, who wants to smile and make nice when inside you're seething. That is being a Phony, another behavior that Pisses Me Off.

What's the balance? Usually I allow space between myself and who's every Pissed Me Off; I need some time to cool down and move forward; no more than a day or so usually. Then my first encounter is typically a little strained, but whatever I liked in the first place about the person who pissed me off generally comes to the surface quickly and the whole thing is water under the bridge.

Not that I forget. People only get so many freebies.

Saturday, November 28, 2009


Went to the reuion and had a good time thanks to one friendly fellow and a good friend backing me up. Oh, and CW dipping me for a smooch was a great confidence booster too. I think I'm good as far as reunions go.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Five Year Reunion

I'm going to my first high school reunion tonight. My parents think its weird I've already been out for five years. CW says there will only be unpleasant drama and that we shouldn't go. If this rain keeps up I will be doubly convinced of the same. Should we drive in and be able to leave whenever we like, but need to pay for parking? Or do we take the train in and just get drunk? Problem is, I can't spend any money this month. That at least $10 for parking, or I think $12/round trip ticket on the train. There isn't a cover, but you pay for what you eat and drink: at least $4 per beer, then maybe $10 for an app? So like $25-$30 for the night. To most people, perfectly reasonable. When you have $20 dollars in your checking account, it's not.

Now I'm thinking as I write.

Do I too frequently make decisions based on how much an event will cost? I don't think so. I think I'm rational, logical, and analytical. It's a matter of pros and cons. How much is it worth it to me to be at this event? What are my responsibilities? What will I get out of this event? What else could I spend that $30 on and would that be more worthwhile? Probably especially so if I don't spend that $30 at all.

We'll see.

Thursday, November 26, 2009


I've armed myself with a new analogy as CW and I head to My Parent's House for Thanksgiving: homosexuality is like being a fan of Thai food. Not everyone likes meat and potatoes, and not everyone likes Thai. But those that do enjoy it. If someone liked Thai food, they wouldn't make you eat it if you only liked Mexican. Or meat and potatoes for that matter. So why make them eat meat and potatoes?

Brilliant, I know!

Picture of the Day

This is a dog that knows how to relax. She is best for the camera this way (read: when she's on my bed, preferably sleeping on my legs.) This time, she had commandeered CW's pillow when he got in the shower.

On Second Thought

I will not aim to make my bed every morning. A) CW always gets up later than I and, after I've started my day, I don't feel like going back upstairs and cleaning up after him. B) I like the look of a pleasantly disheveled bed in the morning.


Do you think it's human nature to want to organize concepts into single days? Everyone should remember to be thankful every day for what they have; they say it's good for your overall wellness and in creating a more positive outlook. (Everyone could benefit from that: I was honked at, ON THANKSGIVING, for stopping at STOP SIGN at a four-way intersection. Cool your jets, buddy.) But instead, we have this one day where we talk about being thankful. And the history of the day itself is more tragic and ugly than a gathering of friends and food.

I wonder

What the Parson's neighborhood think of me: every day, 630am, barely awake and in pjs following two LOUD dogs around the yard.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Goals I Will Actually Accomplish

1) Make my bed every morning. The idea being that it's nice to go upstairs in the evening and cuddle under a tucked in blanket. And it gives a sense of formality and readiness to my day; too often, I roll out of bed and run out the door.

2) That being said, I want to party harder. There are only so many years when it's acceptable to starting drinking at 12noon on a Saturday or take swigs from a flask of Jack Daniels.

3) Read more. See the post below. I love books. I don't know why I sit in front of the TV for four hours every day but can't be bothered to read more than a page at a time. Oh wait, the TV thinks for me. I remember.

4) Plant flowers and other plants. Everywhere I can.

5) Write to people more often.

There. Let's not get too ambitious here.


Most fun to read: Christopher Moore's Lamb:The Gospel According to Biff
Most interesting: Richard Layard's Happiness
I learned the most from: Steven King's On Writing
Hardest: Stuart A. Kauffman's Reinventing the Sacred

Reading right now: Michael Dobbs' One Minute to Midnight

I wonder

What Maddie thinks about. That's here, pondering the world, from the porch of CW's cabin in Maine. That was Labor Day, remember? Back when there was sun? And green living things? Shouldn't complain though: it's only just become chilly enough for scarves and hats and I'm excited: scarves are sexy.

Regardless of the season, I'm curious.

I wonder

Why there are so many moths in Beverly, MA right now. Every night there must be thousands fluttering around my parking lot. Can you kill moths as you drive through a cloud of them?

The way moths feel when they flutter against my skin or bump into my head and get stuck in my hair is TERRIFYING.