Snug in my bed this morning, listening leaves skittering outside in the quiet, sunny world, I was thinking about last night. CW's office Christmas party. I had a blast. Not only did I feel like I was part of the cool crowd, the group everyone wanted to be a part of, but I thought I looked great too.
The sun started coming up through the trees, orange and blazing even in the cold. I stretched out and got up to wash my face.
Lesson this week: simple acts like getting up from my desk and walking away or washing my face and looking in the mirror are actually very profound. That's why they are so dramatic in the movies. In real life, you can have an epiphany while you're face is dripping in the mirror.
Slowly, I began thinking I had also been a mess. I started a mental tally of the gin and whiskey and lost count.
Earlier this week, I covered the Hamilton Selectmen's meeting and the Hamilton-Wenham School Committee meeting for the Chronicle (check out my stuff sometime) It was pretty interesting: how to bring more commercial development to the town to diversify the towns tax revenue income and what was going on with the budget at the state level and how the high school was going to avoid probation from the New England Association of Schools and Colleges with so little money coming from the state. I was getting pretty fired up about taxation and the role of government. I shook hands with silver-haired men and saw women in expensive looking sweaters and wearing broaches and looking over files of documents. Very Serious Stuff.
I left the school committee meeting just before they officially ended it. I hurried to my car and jumped in, enjoy my spry, strong legs and young and healthy (if dry) hands. I turned up the music and backed out of my parking spot too quickly. I drove much too recklessly for 9pm in Wenham.
But it felt good.
I stopped feeling too bad about last night when I remembered I have my whole life to say no thank you to one more whiskey and coke (or glass of wine, if I ever get that classy) and be a Responsible Adult.
This week, I also spent a lot of time thinking about my job and My Career and what I need to be doing to move forward. More Very Serious Stuff. I even talked to a financial adviser about trading stock.
When I have kids, I'm going to tell them its very very hard to grow up. I don;t think enough people say that. It's very very hard to take responsibility for things and do the right thing and stuff. (Then again, I'm terrified of the process of creating another human inside me so that is still a LONG WAY OFF, if it ever happens. (It'll happen.))
I feel way too young to be serious. I want to be stupid and irresponsible some more. Just a few more years.